We’ve all heard about them, or know someone who was/is in one. The LDR ( Long Distance Relationship), I short form it because I’m so cool. For those who have been hiding under a rock for the past decade, a LDR is an intimate relationship between two or more people, who are geographically separated from one another. I was in an LDR for roughly 3 years, and it was quite the adventure, that’s for sure.
To set the stage for my insight, let me explain a little bit about my LDR. We were both pretty young, and I had just finished my first year of university. We met through a mutual friend who was living in Washington, USA while I was living in Ontario, Canada. We were pretty much on opposite sides of the continent, and were a 3 hour time difference apart.
With that being said here are my top 4 tips for being in a LDR.
In order to have a good relationship, long distance or not, you need to have trust. Trust is something that’s hard to define. Trust is believing that someone loves you, that they wouldn’t lie to you, and that they’re being genuine in what they’re saying. This was something I personally lacked, and a HUGE reason why our relationship SUCKED!! Like guys, we honestly had some great memories, but it was pretty toxic. At that point in my life, I didn’t really trust anyone, and so I was constantly thinking he was cheating, or would eventually cheat. No matter how many times he assured me that he loved me, and that I was the only one, and that he would never cheat on me, I just had a hard time believing what he said. If you love someone, you need to trust them unless they give you a reason not to.
The big ol question, how do you stay intimate? I think this is different for everyone, but we started something early on that stuck for years (probably the only thing we did right). We would pour our hearts out into these lovey, sexy, fantasy stories that we would write for each other. We would take turns every other night writing one for the other person to wake up to. It was the best thing for us, and especially me, because he would take the time to show me how much I meant. (Still some of the best sex stories I’ve ever written)
It’s huge to make time for each other. A reason why I think our relationship struggled was that I wanted to talk to him, and Skype all the time, because he was my best friend, but we would often be too busy, and we couldn’t talk often. We both had our lives and it was hard to make them coincide, what with the time change, and I was often going to bed when he finished work, he’d be asleep when I was awake, and when I got to work he was finally waking up. We would make time on our days off, and sometimes I would stay up later so that we could actually have a good conversation, but it was tough. That in turn lead to each other not doing anything outside of work and skype, and would lead to arguments if plans didn’t work out, for whatever reason. In order to make a long distance relationship work, it has to be all about balance. You have to make sure you are still enjoying your life outside of each other, but still schedule a time where you can talk with each other routinely.
We did a ton of travelling! I believe I was in Washington at least 3-4 times and he was here in Canada the same amount. Luckily he never tried to surprise me when I tried to surprise him, that would have been awkward. We would usually spend about a week with each other, and it was some of the best times we ever had (almost). You learn quickly that you cherish the time you have together. Added bonus, you can finally make all your love stories come to life, and get out a lot of sexual frustration.
Long distance relationships take a lot of love, and honestly, a lot of luck. Have an end goal, and figure out how you will finally be together for good. You can’t just stay long distance forever. Now just because my relationship didn’t work, doesn’t mean yours won’t, just keep in mind all of the things above and you guys have a good shot!
Moral of the story: Distance sucks, boys and girls suck, but sometimes the two together can be alright.